First, as my high school psychology teacher told us: "If this doesn't apply to you, don't take offense. On the other hand, if it bothers you to hear it, maybe you needed to."
Second, if you are the sensitive type or don't like to talk about this or think it's inappropriate for me to write about in a blog post, you are part of the problem.
I'm speaking to men, here. I know the majority of people who will see this post are probably women, since men don't use social media as frequently, but perhaps it will be shared, or happen into the right hands in some other way.
First, a short story, and this is actually a compilation of several I have heard from women as old as 50, or as young as 18. Why do I hear these stories? Maybe it's because being gender nonconforming gives women a sense that I am a safe person to talk with about this. Anyway, one day, I caught the bad end of a rant from a woman at the end of her rope with her significant other. She said that when he got home from work, he wanted sex. Right then. The sex act he wanted became obvious when he walked over to the couch where she was sitting and began unbuckling his belt. She loved him, and wanted to make him happy, so she took the ponytail holder off her wrist, and put her hair back. The instant his boxers were down, however, the smell hit her like a brick to the face. She tried to hide it, but she couldn't, and she gagged. He smelled like a week of funk and used jock straps. She asked if he would shower first, saying that she wanted him to smell like him, and not like sweat. (She was trying to be nice.) He pouted and said that he wanted it right then. She told him she couldn't unless he showered first. He got angry and walked off. The following day, he tried again. He'd showered this time, but when he got his pants down, she could tell that he had not washed his junk, or his butt crack--only did a quick in-and-out in the shower. She said that this time, rather than start a fight, she relented, and
fought the urge to throw up with every breath she took. She told me "I don't understand why men won't wash their crotch."
Another young woman told me something similar, saying that her boyfriend always smelled so nice around his face, neck, and chest, but his crotch is a different story. She said "I don't get it, Daniel. I had a boyfriend once who always made sure he smelled nice everywhere before we did anything, but every guy since has to be nagged. Why don't guys wash their junk?"
I'm sure there are women out there that this does not matter to, but I hope that number is a minority. I'm a man, and how I smell matters to me. When I was younger, in my teens and early 20's, I didn't think about this as much because men under the age of 25 are usually still children. Then again, I feel women have become so accustomed to men not giving a shit about their intimate hygiene that they just assume it's gonna smell like that, because it's all they've experienced.
I've heard some women say "I fix this by offering to shower with him." but honestly, it shouldn't come down to that. Let's say I was going to a job interview. I know the person interviewing me is going to see my face, my clothes, my shoes, and probably get close enough to smell my breath and maybe my pits. So if I am anticipating a job interview, I'm going to make sure my breath is fresh, my underarm deodorant is in place, clothes are clean, and I am ready to impress. And that's for someone I do not love. Guys, why would you not take care of your personal hygiene before shoving it in your partner's face?
I don't even know. What I do know is I can count on all ten fingers instances where I have overheard (or just plan heard) women complaining about their boyfriend/fiance/husband not taking care of their naughty bits. This is absolutely unacceptable and just pure laziness, not to mention lack of consideration for the other person.
So guys, if you are going to be in the presence of a woman (or man as the case may be) and expect (or hope) for certain activities to take place, WASH YOUR JUNK. Please.
(This certainly works both ways, male and female, and applies accordingly, but guys seem to be worse about this, and I can't speak for women.)
Think you don't need to because today is not one of those days where
things are gonna happen? Let me assure you that if you don't WASH YOUR
JUNK, even people in the immediate vicinity can smell you---and it
smells like DEATH.
So--a quick shopping list, guys: Body wash. Bath sponge. Back brush. Clean your nails and trim them neatly. Beards need to be groomed and shampooed and conditioned. Wash your feet and in between your toes. She ought to be able to eat from your hand, if she wanted to. Wash every inch of your body. Then, after you get out of the shower, take your deodorant you just put on your pits and apply it to your lower back where your tailbone meets your butt, and in between your inner thighs just like you would under your arms.
(Or get fancy and buy deodorant made specifically for that purpose; they make it:)
This does not end after the first, or fiftieth date.
Give a damn.
Thank you.
